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Why do I need pre-marriage counseling?

Getting married can take a lot of time. Picking a date, choosing a venue and so many other choices can be consuming.  At such a busy time, why take a number of hours to get pre-marriage help. Why do I need it?

  1. The success of your marriage is vitally important.
    The success of your relationship with your spouse will profoundly affect your life every day. Your social life, career, health and, in general, how you feel about life depends on how your marriage is going. Few things have brought people more happiness and more misery than marriage.
  2. Building a great marriage is very unintuitive.
    When I got married, I thought I was a kind, unselfish, considerate and forgiving person. I also thought that these qualities would ensure success in my marriage if I did what came naturally to me. I learned over time that my optimistic and naïve view of myself resulted from my strong self bias. That bias not only fed my inflated view of myself but also prevented me from seeing my spouse’s point of view. What came naturally to me was frequently wrong and often hurtful to my companion.
  3. Building great marriages requires some tools and a set of skills to use them.
    Constructing nearly anything requires tools and the skill to use them effectively. Some tools help you to see things and others help you to address the things you see. Some tools can help you prevent conflict and others can help to resolve conflict. Without the tools and the skills to do a job how can anyone expect to succeed? When we hire others to do a job, whether it is a doctor or a plumber, we expect them to have the right tools, the skills to use them and suitable training. Why enter a marriage without some minimal tools, skills and training?